The Ugly Truth (of my third pregnancy).

Warning- If you are accustomed to my eloquent and lady-like writing, then you may not want to read this post.
It’s called the Ugly Truth and it’s not pretty!
We drove to Florida this past month for vacation and the whole time I was struggling internally with myself.
I was thirsty but was SO afraid to drink water because I KNEW within an hour I’d need to make a bathroom stop.
It got me thinking, I’m on my third pregnancy and there is so much that is still new to me.

For example, I never ONCE before this pregnancy sneezed and had a tiny accident. Well ladies, baby three proved that the third time is definitely the charm.
The fact is, pregnancy is not all sunshine and rainbows. Its not all glowing skin and sweet baby kicks while your partner kisses and talks to your belly.
So here is a list I have compiled of the not so pretty parts of pregnancy that you don’t think about…
Until they happen to you.
I had an OB appointment on Monday. My 31 week appointment to be exact. Before the appointment I went to the lab as usual to go do some business with a cup. After my last appointment I remember saying to Jay “It was SO gross, there were yellow rings on the paper towel where you leave your sample… HOW does that happen?” Well y’all, on Monday I learned first hand!
See, I’ve got a big ole bump and can no longer see ANYTHING past my belly button and well, it happened… I made a mess… ALL OVER MY HAND.
I did clean off the cup and scrub my hands but SERIOUSLY?!
So not the glamor they promise of pregnancy, am I right?
Speaking of not being able to see below your belly button…
You basically have three choices when it comes to grooming in the third trimester- you either enlist the help of your spouse, you go all Jungle Jane OR you try and go in blind which obviously leads to a total patchy hack job.
Any man reading, this may be the point where you want to stop- fair warning.
Braxton Hicks or BAD constipation?
Who ever really knows? Sometimes the cramping is so bad NOTHING helps, and when you cant go to the bathroom you really are left to be more confused.
So what do you think, veteran mommas? Is it Braxton Hicks or some serious bathroom cramps?
By this time, there is a literal human just hanging out on my bladder.
When he moves ANY of his limbs it feels as though my bladder is his punching bag. I must need to use the bathroom EVERY. TEN. MINUTES.
No, that is not an exaggeration. I mean, I guess the positive is that you constantly can tell if you need to drink more water? HA!
You will be HUGE. Belly Table is quite convenient. So I guess that it isn’t really an “ugly” part of pregnancy… But I’m sure I look pretty piggish to anyone who may see.
I’m eating for two, right? So lay off 😉
Heartburn from whatever you ate last… and a pickle sounds SO good… heartburn gets worse, chocolate is definitely the answer.
Nope that didn’t do it… guess I’ll have some yogurt too…
Pregnant brain. You all know it’s real.
Going up the stairs is as challenging as climbing a mountain. By the time I get to the top I’m sweating and panting and my ears start to ring!
I had never hocked a loogie in my LIFE and this pregnancy it happens every day!
When my husband surprised me with a new Infiniti he asked me the next day how I liked it and my response? “I hock loogies out the window, this is too fancy for me”.
But in all honesty, the sinus swelling I’ve had is HORRIBLE! So much swelling I gag and can’t breathe. No, I cant just blow my nose, there is nothing in there, its in the back of my throat and sits there.
Its not pretty, there is no way to write this delicately.
The Laugh-Cry.
Y’all this happens to me maybe every other week. Either something makes me cry so hard I’m humiliated and start laughing or I start laughing so hard I cry.
Its like an entire ocean of emotions hits at once and it is INSANE.
It recently happened on vacation and the look on my poor grandma’s face… she was so concerned and no one knew what to do. It lasts at least ten minutes and can flare up at any given time.
When I say crying I mean loud SOBBING total BAWLING. and laughing hysterically. at the same time.
My husband is used to it by this third pregnancy, which I find to be even more funny.
The bump.
That beautiful baby bump. I’m blessed to be “all belly” but I keep thinking back to an episode I saw of Family Guy when Quagmire is standing behind a woman with a great body and makes one of his comments and she turns to the side and is HUGE.
That’s how I feel!
With this baby boy I am carrying out front and from behind I do look totally normal and when I turn around BAM. Belly.
I can’t help but wonder how many people have been thrown off by it! It makes me laugh to think of.
There you go ladies. Who can relate?
Hopefully this made SOMEONE laugh?!
I’d love to hear your stories in the comments!
Pregnancy, while it does come with some nasty side effects…gas, bloating, heartburn… is one of my favorite times in life.
I absolutely love every stage of pregnancy and it really IS worth it in the end when you’re holding that sweet new baby.
But every once in a while I think it’s important to sit back and laugh at what comes along with it all!

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