It’s a phrase I not only hear often, but one that escapes my own lips constantly.
“Give it to God.”
I was raised in church. I was raised a Christian.
Somewhere along the line, I stopped making God number one.
It was my own goals, my own vision. How ignorant was I? Thinking my life was all my own making.
I read something recently that so deeply resonated with me- “He is the author of our story.”
Something about that just clicked when I read it.
I have always been the type to follow my heart. The person who never listened to reason. I made my own decisions, and fully accepted the outcome.
Now, here’s what I never understood.
I was living in sin. I was in love with and living with a man who I wasn’t yet married to. I was pregnant out of wedlock. Some judged, said I was too young. Said it wasn’t right. And by the Bible, it wasn’t right. However, God gave me EXACTLY what I needed.
It was He who blessed me with a man who loves me beyond measure.
It was He who blessed us with our first baby, no matter how inopportune a time it may have been.
You see, I was always known to never stay in one place too long. No matter who’s heart it broke- even my own. Who is to say if I would have sacrificed my love for this man by following my wanderlust heart and picking up to travel new places.
God made sure Jay and Ada were the next chapter of my story.
I’m not saying putting all of your trust in God means the road will be easy. Our road is constantly filled with potholes and is ever winding. But I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I have a man who is willing to drive the rough roads with me. We are so strong after we overcome each hurdle.
When we learned this last baby of ours is going to be a boy, I will be honest- it was VERY hard for me to come to grips with. I look at Ada, and see how much she has grown. And looking at Greyson I wanted so badly to get back these moments in time at this age with Ada that I had missed because I was working. I wanted to have another chance to snuggle a sweet baby girl, to fill the voids I had from flying days at a time while Ada was so young.
When I was told this baby was a boy, I cried. Pre natal anxiety and depression didn’t help. I was in a dark place for about a week. But I read those words “He is the author of our story” and it all came full circle for me. I no longer felt like I was being cheated. I put my faith in His plan. My tears, my fears, my sadness- I gave it all to God. And now I feel those baby kicks of a sweet boy. The way Greyson loves me is unlike any love I’ve ever felt. I’ve been told that’s how boys love their mothers. If this is my last baby, I now believe it is best for it to be another bond like the one I experience with my son, now.
He gives us what we need, what he knows we can handle.
Last night, I had a tough night. I found myself on my knees in prayer for the first time since I was a child. My mind was spinning and sleep just would not come. I prayed for peace, I prayed for sleep. Not exactly as simply as that, but before I knew it, I had been on my knees in prayer for over an hour. And when I got back into bed, I literally had such a weight lifted off of my shoulders. I was breathing air that was more clear, or so it felt. And sleep? It did find me. I should have been exhausted all day today. I had about 3 hours of sleep. But I woke up refreshed and in such an easily happy mood. My head all day has been filled with my favorite hymns. My children and I are getting along great (which, if you have two toddlers you know is NOT the norm.) and I even made time for myself to take a shower to add to this refreshed feeling I have.
I have always been afraid to ask for things in prayer. I am a firm believer that He answers my prayers before I even ask of him. But I learned that it is 100% okay to give it to God. Bring your fears to him and ask him for help navigating hardship.
Faith is a beautiful thing, am I right?